Hi there,

You know when you get to the end of the day, and can't even tell what exactly you did with your time? Yeah, me too. This week, I have some thoughts on that feeling.

Where Did my Time Go?

Back in my "before" times, this question used to be one of the handful I most often asked myself when I felt like a failure at the end of the day. Back then, the percentage of time I spent just spinning my wheels for a variety of reasons was truly astounding (cue the Freedom Framework quiz – if only I'd been able to take it then!). Often, most of the day had passed me by before I'd worked up the courage to actually get started on a dreaded task, having spent hours doomscrolling, or drowning in/trying to escape my emotions. It was rough.

For those who are currently in a similar place, I'd like to propose that the answer to "what did I do all day?" can be simply: I survived. And that ain't no mean feat! When things get to that level of difficulty, whether because of grief, illness, depression or any other reason, surviving is PLENTY. In fact, I submit to you that it's quite an accomplishment! If this is you today, I hope you can try this gentle reframe on for size, and actually feel proud of yourself for making it through another difficult week. I'm also sending you all the good vibes, hoping you can receive some love and compassion, as well as any help you may need ❤️‍🩹).

Invisible

Nowadays, I'm thankfully in a much more stable place emotionally, and with my time management and motivation. Yet I still catch myself asking the same question: "what did I even do today?" For folks in this category, I think a possible answer to consider is: lots of invisible labor.

If you're a woman, especially if you're in a heterosexual partnership, chances are you're stuck with the vast majority of domestic tasks, all of which never seem to "count" when we try to figure out where the hours all went. We then beat ourselves up for not having gotten to XYZ on our to-do list, or for taking too long with the cleaning, or being inefficient in some other way. Well, I call bullsh*t – or rather, internalized capitalism!

By the way, please don't feel excluded if you're not a woman – this sneaky view of humans as units of productivity afflicts us all, it's just that this particular gender-based imbalance primarily affects women, in very negative ways.

Regardless of your gender, the next time you take stock of your day, pay attention – did flossing make the "accomplishments list?" Journaling? Cooking a meal? Comforting a child? Teaching your mom how to recover a password over the phone (for 45 minutes)? Taking a walk? The list of invisible work we do to keep our lives, bodies, relationships and homes afloat can be quite impressive – it's about time we recognize the value in those activities, and bask in the big and small accomplishments of our well-lived days!

Think of this email as a friendly reminder that tasks don't have to make $ or garner external admiration to DEFINITELY COUNT as real, worthwhile ways to spend your time. You're doing great, right now!

Rooting for you,

— Anne

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