Hi there,

I'm always amazed at how some of my piano students can show signs of being utter perfectionists at very early ages. Today I want to share some thoughts from a recent lesson, where a little girl needed a gentle nudge towards self-compassion.

Learning Something New

During a piano lesson this week, I was working with a young student on a simplified version of Scott Joplin's famous ragtime hit, "The Entertainer." Even though the arrangement in question didn't have as many frills, it still featured lots of challenging syncopation between the hands (when they play off-beat from each other), and putting the hands together had become quite the project.

We took things slowly, going measure by measure, knitting a basic awareness of how it was all supposed to sound together. While mastery of the material would come later (after at least a few days of focused practicing), I was comfortable ending the lesson there, knowing she'd grasped the whole thing. She played it through one final time, haltingly, but demonstrating that she'd gotten it. We'd made lots of progress in just one lesson, and I was very pleased.

Yet before I could open my mouth to praise her, as she finished playing, she turned to me and said "that wasn't very good."

Who Set the Bar This High?!

I'm sorry, what? Surprised, I told her that in my book it had actually been QUITE good! She'd walked into the lesson with half a measure of the piece worked out, and had just walked out with eight! It was hard work, that she'd done well, and with great focus! What was not to like?

She countered that it hadn't sounded very good ("the way it's supposed to go"). Ah, perfectionism, we meet again. This is the same child who, years ago, would stop playing, grab her hair and say "oh no!" whenever she made the slightest mistake – something we worked on by my making her say "oh, no problem!" instead, until she stopped interrupting herself altogether.

So I asked: how come something isn't good enough unless it's flawless? This was literally the first time you've done this with both hands going together! I'm proud of you right now, I added, for getting this far – nothing comes out perfectly right away anyway. What you just showed me was already GREAT.

She looked at me sheepishly, but then beamed. I'm glad I was able to gently drive home the point that she already had lots to be proud of, and perfection itself isn't the point. Of course we want to do things well and have them feel effortless (which we achieve through lots of practicing), but why let perfectionism rob us of our victories along the way?

If you're ever mad at yourself when something doesn't immediately come out the way you wanted (whether that's your new morning routine, or a project you're working on), I hope you'll take in these words today: you are right where you need to be. Feel free to turn to your own inner child (or inner critic), and tell them "I see your effort. You've already done so much; we can already be proud of ourselves. The rest will come with time." I know you've got this!

Rooting for you,

— Anne

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